Sunday, December 20, 2009
Miss me :) The school semester is over so I have more painting time (can't wait to graduate...get my precious painting time back!).
With recent events in my life, a whole lot of realizations and self-discovery started to come about. If you're human, you have cried (if you haven't, you've got issues). While there are tears of joy that exist, when we cry it may make us feel so overwhelmed, sad, lonely, disappointed, depressed, hopeless, helpless, miserable and on and on. But how do you feel afterwards? Worse or better? Think about it.
I'm learning to embrace my tears. I already consider myself a highly emotional person; even a sad commercial can have me reaching for the tissues. But I've kept those moments to myself...robbed myself of growth. Growth doesn't happen when I hide away, I only punish myself when I do so. Unfortunately, I've become used to that feeling. Yet, with my wonderful close friends and having recently joined a group of amazing ladies, my discussions with them are enabling me to learn how to tune into myself, to except my feelings and not feel ashamed or uncomfortable expressing them. The growth comes when I take the time to evaluate what really triggered whatever emotional reaction I have, review my options and make a next move. Growth comes from continuing to grow, even when that means changing what you've felt secure in.
With all that said, I present my latest painting. The background is meant to resemble concrete. I chose concrete because it reminds me of finality. It goes from one form where it can be molded into anything and into another form that it set - it cannot be adjusted and can only change if it's cracked or destroyed. Reminds me of how I feel about myself, grown into this emotional form that feels trapped when tears dare to crack the secure surface I've established for myself. Though the tear is overwhelming, I now recognize the opportunity of inner growth. I'm not rushing to get rid or hide the tear but want to acknowledge and respect it. This little plant growing from beneath the surface is a metaphor for so many opportunities of expression in my life that I've feared, this fear bonded the concrete. With the crack in the surface I'm allowing myself to see what would be revealed if I allowed this plant continue. As I saw as a friends status on Facebook "When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time." — Laurie Halse Anderson (Speak)" it is oh so true. I've experienced what I stand to lose by not nourishing this little plant. I look forward now to its growth, in embracing myself and I imagine my artwork will evolve as well.
As always, I look forward to your thoughts.